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Parenting Tip: Understanding Obedience

We live in a society where an emphasis on teaching obedience sounds to some like heavy-handed authoritarianism. Parents don't want to be dictators so they sometimes move far away from anything that looks like being controlling. This is unfortunate since God is the one who gave the instructions for children to learn obedience. Hidden within this quality are the principles that will make children successful as they get older.

When children learn to obey they learn to give up their own agenda for someone else. They learn to listen to an instruction and follow through with it. They learn how to be responsible, check back, and complete a task. In short, when children learn obedience, they not only make family life easier but they also develop the character that will make them more valuable in the work place, the community, and the world. In fact, learning to obey parents teaches kids what they need in order to obey God.

We say that obedience is "doing what someone says, right away, without being reminded." Children as young as three years old can memorize this simple definition and understand what it means. Parents sometimes think that obedience is the same as compliance. When a parent says, "I can get my children to obey eventually," that's not obedience. Compliance is only part of obedience. When you say to your son, "It’s time to go to bed now," and he says, "As soon as I'm done with this game," that's not obedience; it's an excuse for disobedience.

As parents, it's okay to negotiate and compromise with our children sometimes, but too often children aren't mature enough for this. In fact, they may be demanding, unable to give up their agenda for someone else. Cooperation requires that both people give and take. In order to get to that stage, children must first learn how to sacrifice or follow. Once they learn that, true cooperation can take place.

Teach obedience and you’ll give your children a valuable gift that will be used for the rest of their lives.

This parenting tip comes from the book Home Improvement, the Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

19 Things We Should Say to Our Kids

{19 Things we should say to our Children}1. I love you! There is nothing that will make me stop loving you. Nothing you could do or say or think will ever change that.



2. You are amazing! I look at you with wonder! Not just at what you can do, but who you are. There is no one like you. No one!



3. It’s all right to cry. People cry for all kinds of reasons: when they are hurt, sad, glad, or worried; when they are angry, afraid, or lonely. Big people cry too. I do.



4. You’ve made a mistake. That was wrong. People make mistakes. I do. Is it something we can fix? What can we do? It’s all over. You can start fresh. I know you are sorry. I forgive you.



5. You did the right thing. That was scary or hard. Even though it wasn’t easy, you did it. I am proud of you; you should be too.



6. I’m sorry. Forgive me. I made a mistake.



7. You can change your mind. It’s good to decide, but it is also fine to change.



8. What a great idea! You were really thinking! How did you come up with that? Tell me more. Your mind is clever!



9. That was kind. You did something helpful and thoughtful for that person. That must make you feel good inside. Thank you!



10. I have a surprise for you. It’s not your birthday. It’s for no reason at all. Just a surprise, a little one, but a surprise.



11. I can wait. We have time. You don’t have to hurry this time.



12. What would you like to do? It’s your turn to pick. You have great ideas. It’s important to follow your special interests.



13. Tell me about it. I’d like to hear more. And then what happened? I’ll listen.



14. I’m right here. I won’t leave without saying good-bye. I am watching you. I am listening to you.



15. Please and Thank You. These are important words. If I forget to use them, will you remind me?



16. I missed you. I think about you when we are not together!



17. Just try. A little bit. One taste, one step. You might like it. Let’s see. I’ll help you if you need it. I think you can do it.



18. I’ll help you. I heard you call me, here I am. How can I help you? If we both work together, we can get this done. I know you can do it by yourself, but I’m glad to help since you asked.



19. What do you wish for? Even if it’s not yet time for birthday candles and we don’t have a wishbone, it’s still fun to hear about what you wish for, hope for, and dream about.