Parenting Tip June 24, 2012 "Sibling Conflicts"

Sibling Conflict: A Great Opportunity

"When the bickering gets too bad I just go in my room and shut the door!" one mom said in exasperation. The fact is that many parents believe the solution to arguing and bickering is to allow children to "fight it out."

That's one solution parents commonly use when their children start fighting. Other parents separate the children and try to keep them apart in order to maintain peace. They imitate a referee at a boxing match, breaking up the conflict and sending the fighters to their opposite corners. Unfortunately, continually separating children doesn't solve the problem. In fact, the children often come back again to fight some more.

We believe both of these solutions are inadequate because they lack the depth needed to bring about lasting change. When parents only separate the offenders or walk away, they miss valuable opportunities to help their children grow.

Conflict with brothers and sisters is a child's first class in relationship school. Your home is the classroom, you are the teacher, and honor is the curriculum. Each conflict situation becomes an opportunity for teaching children how to get along.

When two children are fighting, call one out of the room and talk about how to deal with the conflict. Teach children how to confront, ignore, negotiate, compromise, talk about problems, and be peacemakers. Then send the child back into the situation to try again. If necessary, call the second child out and give helpful suggestions before trying again. Whatever you do, don't try to discipline them together. Kids have an amazing way of deflecting discipline when they're together.

Be listening to your children's interaction and continue to coach them in relationships. You may call the same child out of an activity five or ten times in an hour to continue to point out the change that needs to take place. Help children know what right actions are appropriate, and as long as they are willing to try to do the right thing, send them back into the situation to try again.

Use sibling conflict to teach about healthy relationships. It takes a lot of work but you’ll be preparing your children to deal with the difficult relationships they’ll encounter for the rest of their lives.

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Parenting Tip June 21, 2012 "When Kids Want What's Not Best"

When Kids Want What's Not Best



Be careful of manipulative questions from teens. They may not even realize what they're doing but teens often ask questions or make statements to try to convince you to bend the rules.

One of the questions is, "What's wrong with it?" We all have a grid in our mind that allows us to make decisions about what we allow. When our children get a little older then they challenge the grid by asking questions like, "What's wrong with it?"

A young person may come to Dad and ask to go hang out at the mall, or at a friend's house after school, or attend a party on Friday night. What's wrong with those things? Maybe nothing, but the wise parent knows that in those situations bad things can develop. Unfortunately, the teenager may not be able to see it. The restriction just doesn't seem reasonable.

It takes a pretty committed and insightful parent to address that kind of issue and many fail. "Well, I guess you could go to that party, and hang out after school at your boy friend’s house" and…pretty soon things happen that change the course of the child's life.

"What's wrong with it?" is a question that misses the point. It's like creating a soup. We're not just throwing things into a bowl. We are hand picking the ingredients to make this soup nutritious, not just looking for all the possible non-dangerous things to add.

The same thing is true with your children. Don't allow them to convince you to make changes you know aren't in their best interest. Sometimes as a parent you have to take the difficult road of saying 'no' because you know what danger a 'yes' might allow.

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Parenting Tip June 14, 2012 "Why do you do what’s right?”

“Why do you do what’s right?”



It’s fun to ask this question of children. When you ask, “Why do you do what’s right?” the common answer from kids is, “So I don’t get in trouble.” That’s when you can take them to Romans 13:5 which says, “Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience.”

Punishment is external. Conscience is internal. So what does that mean for parents?

Good news. God has created inside the heart of your child a piece of standard operating equipment that helps you do your job as a parent. Of course, the conscience isn’t a lot of help until it’s trained. But daily life regularly provides the opportunities to train the conscience.

Look for ways to get kids thinking about the conscience in their own lives. You can do that in part by talking about their motivations for doing what’s right. After all, if they only do what’s right to avoid punishment or to get a reward then they’re missing out on the benefits of the internal prompting of the conscience.

The reality is that maturity and responsibility require that a person do what’s right when no one is watching and when no apparent reward is available. The child just does it because it’s right. Now, children have the key to growing up and being responsible, and that's to do what’s right even without external prompters.

Of course children still need parents to help them know what’s right in any given situation but as parents work along with the God-given equipment in a child’s heart, they transfer the responsibility to the child. That’s great news and something we all look forward to.

June 30th

Join us for an incredible amount of fun on June 30th from noon-2PM at the church. We plan to have FREE BBQ and plenty of fun for the whole family. Inflatables, Dunk Tank, Family Games, Ice Cream and more!!! Mark your calendar now for our incredible Summer BBQ party!

Advice for Parents: Leaving Your Child (Seperation Anxiety)

Leaving your child at the door of the Greenhousedoesn't have to be a stressful ordeal for the child or the parent. Most children experience separation anxiety during their early preschool years. It's a normal step in your child's emotional development. But take hope. Here are some easy measures that parents can take in order to help them help their baby, 1 year-old, or 2 year-old have a happy start to her day at church.

Setting a Happy Tone Before Arrival at Church

• Make Sunday morning less stressful. Preschoolers can sense your stress. Set out your child's clothes on Saturday night. Label all of your child's belongings and pack diapers and a change of clothes in his diaper bag.
• Feed your child before you leave for church. Separation is more difficult when a child is hungry.
• Sing a song about church or Jesus while dressing your child. Make up words to a song, using a familiar tune. You might sing these words: "We are getting dressed for church, dressed for church, dressed for church. We are getting dressed for church. We like to go to church." (tune "Mary Had a Little Lamb")
• Talk about your child's teachers and friends in her room while traveling to church.

When They Arrive at Check In

• Encourage a child who is walking to walk up to the Check in. It is easier for your child to separate from you if she is not in your arms.
• Notify Leaders of any changes in your child's routine. One Leader may take your child while another Leader talks with you and records schedule changes.
• Follow the security procedures of the Greenhouse (sign in, get a tag or bracelet)

What to Do if Your Child Cries at the Door

• Tell your child good-bye.
• Reassure your child that Mommy and Daddy will be back later. Then leave. Prolonged separations make it more difficult for your child to adjust.
• Avoid going back to to check on him. If your child sees you, it may upset him, and the tears will start to flow all over again. (if for any reason you need to be contacted during service, your child's number (which is on the bracelet or tag) will appear on the screen in the adult service.
• Know that your child's leader will come to get you if she is unable to comfort your preschooler after a reasonable amount of time.

Don't be alarmed if you have tried these suggestions and your child still cries at the door. Separation anxiety can be a brief period in your child's development, or it may last months. Regular attendance at church does help your baby, 1 year-old, or 2 year-old overcome this anxious stage. Promptly picking up your child after church reassures him that you will come for him in a timely manner.
Your child's leaders pray that your child will have a happy time at church. As leaders share Jesus' love with your child, he will come to realize that church is indeed a loving, happy, safe place.